Ben Edwards, crewmember, whole expedition, 14 years old.
So, for my fiftieth blog I thought I’d say something that is possibly a little unexpected…. I am miserable. A combination of lack of space, physical inaction and endless monotony means that at the moment I am hating every single second of the day. I thought I’d say this to help people understand that while physically this trip is incredibly easy, I at least am finding it very tough. The last time I saw anyone other than the six people on board with me was thirty one days ago and I am frankly fed up with not being able to be on my own. I’m permanently restless because I am getting no exercise whatever and every single day is exactly the same. What really tops it off is that the end is by no means in sight. We’re not even half way yet. Though I have enjoyed other parts of the trip I just wanted it on record that the North East Passage has not been a positive experience.
Things will hopefully get better during the North West passage, there’ll be new crew and we’ll be stopping more and I expect it to generally be more interesting. On top of that, it should take much less time. Hopefully. So, complaint over.
We’ve almost reached the passage into the East Siberian Sea and are doing approximately ten degrees of Longtitude a day. Once in the East Siberian Sea we hope to come across little or no ice and basically straight line it to Point Barrow. If things go according to plan we should reach Alaska in ten days or so. At that point mother and Denis will get off and Dad and a man named Johan, who has sailed the north west passage before, will get on. From that point we head to Greenland through the North West Passage.
From there it should be back to Bristol. Thinking that is the only thing that’s keeping me sane. So far we haven’t come across any ice for two days now, this is encouraging. We hope to be through the next passage by about this time in two days, in the meantime we’ve got some more ice to look forward to, grrrrrrr.
Ben
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Hello Ben
Here in Shetland the summer holidays have finished and we have started the new school year. We have happy memories of your visit to our school while you were in Lerwick. How is the puffin doing or has it been lost overboard. More best wishes from Whiteness Primary School.
Ben. You might be feeling rather closeted but this is an adventure of a lifetime. When I join you in Nuuk (Greenland) I will tell you about the extreme efforts by adventures to achieve what you are doing now. I flew the Atlantic in a light aircraft aged 20 (not much older than you), and I still look back one huge pride. Keep going – better than having to attend the first few weeks of school! Well done. David WD
ditto helpful comments above, hang on in there Ben. Your journey is very worthwhile and will become more important with time, not least in the story you will be able to tell on return.
Cheer up Ben! I can’t say how much my wife and I admire what you and all the crew are doing. Halfway through an enterprise one always feels low (and how!), but this is just a physical reaction, nothing more. Try daily to count your many blessings, no matter how small (and keep a brief diary of them for yourself), as we count the blessing that is your courage and that of the whole team. The world is just that bit better a place because of you all:-)
Confession is good for the soul. Now write a poem.
More than 40 years ago I went for a sixty-day-sail as the lone teenager on a sailboat, and I find myself remembering my moods, as you describe yours.
The ocean brings out a lot that you never knew about yourself, or that you always knew but never confessed. I had less free time than you do, because we had some serious problems to deal with, but when I did have free time I just put my feelings down on paper as poems. I wasn’t aiming to publish them or anything like that, I was just venting. I am sure glad I wrote them, and am also glad I kept them in a box in the attic, all these years. They speak with a clarity you seldom achieve, on land.
When you are at sea you miss things you left behind. Some are high things, such as the dream of finding a soulmate, and some are not so high, like a greasy meal at some fast-food joint. You will get all those things, when you are back on land, but then you will miss something you have right now: The hardship of the sea.
I think you folk face further hardship. You are not on a pleasure cruise in the Caribbean, and face growing dark, growing cold, sea-ice that isn’t on the maps, and maybe a storm or two. You won’t be bored. Your moods will go through great changes, as you face challenges. Believe it or not, I envy you.
When I look through the yellowed pages of poems I wrote at sea more than 40 years ago, something odd comes across. I can’t really describe it, but it is sort of as if there is a beauty in the ocean that makes it much easier to write poetry than prose. So give it a try. And remember, the writing is not for this blog or “the public”. It is for yourself, and perhaps a friend you haven’t met yet.
Hi Ben,
As you know my terrible poetry on Twitter is a way I find of expressing feelings and I echo what Caleb says above. What you are achieving is something most men would look back on and wish they’d had both the opportunity but also the courage to attempt. You cannot fail at this point because you will always have been a crew member on Northabout and given it your best shot.
My wife has come with me from Cardiff to the Scillies and she has hated the trip on board our boat. Trapped in bad weather, not getting washed properly, everything damp. Throw in being where you are and she would have climbed the walls aeons ago.
Always remember that our perceptions and our view is ours to control. Several great men have survived long periods of incarceration through taking the decision to escape their physical prisons and fly free in their mind. St Paul in the bible and Nelson Mandela are two good examples.
We feel honoured to have been in contact with you – Andrew & Adele
I think that being fed up is understandable and commendable. Anyone who could do what you’re doing and not feel a sense of isolation would be a little unusual? I could spout of a few phrases about the lows accentuating the highs, fair weather never making a fine sailor, and all that stuff but I guess you know all that. Try and write about how you feel in detail; and perhaps what that might say about the things that are really important but that perhaps we take for granted. I suppose there may be a danger that all of those lessons may be lost in the mists of time and the euphoria when you finish. I think that these thoughts and this perspective will be one of the most fascinating things to hear about when you return to St Chris. Anyway, just remember that whilst there might only be six others within close proximity we’re all looking up at the same sky, and thinking of you.
Hello mate it’s Josh
It is really bad to hear that you are felling so low so if you need to talk I have left my email
Keep at it Ben, you are an incredible young chap. From the time we fist met in Bristol whilst preparing Northabout I realised I had met one hell of an individual with you. I remember Margaret coming to meet you in the cafe and she had immense confidence in you – do you remember?
The voyage is hugely important and so are all of you. It is the voyage of a lifetime and you have a whole life of adventure ahead of you.
My best wishes to you, David, your mother and all the crew.
God Bless and Fair Winds
Paul.
Just chiming in with the above, Ben. Hang in there! You are making history with this expedition, and you will look back on it with pride and a huge sense of achievement. Just think, there may even be a book deal—movie rights!—in your future—I’m not completely joking!—because as the youngest member of the crew, you have much to say to the young people of the world about what you are learning from this amazing and unique experience. I particularly appreciate your candour about your feelings because it certainly gives us, your readers and vicarious fellow-travellers, a real sense of how it feels to live day after day in close quarters with a small crew as you all participate in making this momentous expedition a reality and one for the history books. Now off you go to do some jogging on the spot! 🙂
Hi Ben. Chin up. It is only the testing times that – well; test us. My friends often tire of my “When I was in Africa”, “When I was in India / Himalaya…” etc stories, but trust me: I (and you) will never tire of telling them. There will always be a “did I ever tell you” moment and there will always be a new audience. I’m sure you are an inspiration to many. Draw on their best wishes. Stay strong and stand tall (and try not to focus on the end). Any adventurer (and you may now include yourself) will tell you that it is all about the journey – not about the arrival. Oh; and well done.
Ben, inner strength comes from experience … Boredom and being lonely in a group are amongst the hardest mental challenges. You are doing an amazing thing which will influence how you look at the world … You are in our thoughts… Now how about a how game of I-spy and “are we nearly there yet”
Dear Ben, Of course your are miserable as many ingredients are there as you’ve mentioned: monotony, lack of space, inactivity and never alone for sometime now… As someone suggested, writing about your feelings, as you’ve done today, would be a rather important thing to do. Because as soon as this conditions are away, all this emotions will be forgotten. And I believe there are important to remember for any future project.
But let me just tell you something: Do you know any project in this world that is 100% pleasure? Well, I don’t. Can you mention any activity that does not have a pretty boring or heavy or inconvenient aspect? I don’t. In general, people don’t mention it and by doing so, let you believe that everything was smooth and “lovely” for them but this is only a way of putting it. So thanks for sharing what people don’t usually share: the bad aspect of things. The way you’ll manage this aspect is perhaps what will permit you to succeed. Cheers. MED PS: Hope you will understand despite my terrible English